I have to believe in a world outside my own mind. i have to believe that my actions still have meaning, even if i can’t remember them. i have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world’s still there. do i believe the world’s still there? is it still out there? yeah. we all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we are. i’m no different.
(Source: beryl-azure)
(Source: regulusfuckingblack)
Simples
Top 20 things of what not to do when drunk
This article was written by Adam and Howard enjoy
- You havin a laugh: Come up with a catch phrase it will stick for the rest of your life even if you didn’t intend to say it for example rob gill : Im im im im im im im im wrecked
- Just Hanging: Relocate hanging baskets or other garden decorations to a more worthy home reasoning by howard behind this was ” well this family has had it for a long time and i only think its fair that this house should have it because there hook is empty”
- Grease is the bleurgh: Say greasy takaway food is amazing because your more then likely to spew it out later
- Pen-etration: one must not be under any impression that knocking on a random house at 1am for a pen is safe
- Westside then eastside: Think walking home from a different area is a good idea for example when jack walked to hornsea from Beverly
- All’s bell that ends bell: saying “it’s ya mam’s bike” whilst riding a female bike to a group of chavs is not likely to end well
- Cup to face: Get thrown out of a club because you think its a good idea to drop a cup on a bouncers head
- Stuffed conversation: having a conversation with a stuffed animal will make you look just a little bit odd to sober passers by
- $@%* the wallaby: on your way home think its a good idea to take a detour and call a wallaby various profanities.
- Strip Show playing strip blackjack whilst drunk and video cameras are not mutually exclusive
- Garlic Breath? Garlic Breath?: thinking its a good idea to play drinking games with food extracts in your mouth for example me when i had to do centurion and had already downed some vinegar and garlic powder was stuck to the roots of my mouth
- Party Pepper: never think youre invincible when you are drunk it may result in eating a whole chili pepper to impress people and then running to the toliet to get it out of your mouth
- Crookery: breaking into the basement of a club to steal some plates will not give a good first impression to the owners when you first move into uni
- Morning Call: deciding not to go to bed and breaking into an abandoned takeway stealing a motherboard then pushing a fellow drunk person down a long street in a trolley then ending up in your friends back garden ringing him to tell him to wake up at 5am.
- Going home with pooh at your fingers: Howard found a winnie the pooh tricycle in the trash and decided it would be a good idea to walk it home talking to it the whole drunken journey home after he had his t-shirt ripped off and i had to give him my coat then ran away from his taxi.
- Your Booked: Getting back in and thinking it would be a good idea to book train tickets you cant really afford and never end up using them
- Pull the Plug Out: never allow ones self to be inebriated to the point of being defaced with genitalia, the word “c**t” and a butt plug in ones mouth
- Nude Spokesman: Accept a dare which means you have to bike around pretty much naked with a beer bottle in your mouth
- Spoke too soon: Don’t think its a good idea to bike around drunk you may end up not being able to get on your bike and falling to the floor
- Roofies: don’t host a party with a caravan there, someone will try and sleep on the roof of it.
When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.
John Lennon (via gwenmccartney)
Go On Howard
I have an amazing friend named Howard who constantly moves between hull and Huddersfield due to Huddersfield being his university. The guy is pure genius and one of the best friends I’ve ever had being my friend for a couple of years and a member of the same comedy group i was very pleased to recieve this message over facebook.
please sit still and read the latest drunken story ( a story written whilst drunk not a story of him being drunk) enjoy.
What’s Your Cheese?
I have been told a tale of a being from across the universe called Milktoid who travelled far and wide in search of the ultimate fuel for his intergalactic spaceship… cheesy chips!
He arrived at Earth with his proclamation of being the ultimate badass alien who can do stuff that impresses people and stuff. With threats involving destroying the planet and all that, he insisted us humans give him our planets finest cheesy chips as it was perfect fuel for his ship which vaguely resembled a squirrel (dont ask, they have strange architects in his home planet) and he was also feeling a bit peckish.
With the world leaders cowering in fear over his destructive powers, they presented what they thought to be the ultimate cheesy chips. Milktoid was not impressed…. “URGHH!! how dare they assume I will like this….. their finest cheddar cheese has yet to be utilised! BAH!” and so prepared an attack.
Aware of the hostilities facing his planet. Mark Garnish from Tunisia was busily preparing cheesy chips from a family recipe that had been passed down from generation to generation in his family. He didn’t have much time and was very much under pressure…
With Milktoid about to launch his attack cause he was impatient and felt like showing off what he can do, Mark Garnish stood in front of Milktoid and his cronies and presented to him the cheesy chips he hastily prepared.
Milktoid paused momentarily to try them…. he was not impressed. “YOU HAVE NOT CONVINCED THE MIGHTY MILKTOID!” and threw the chips away in a hissy fit.
The human race was surely out of luck and was about to accept the fate Milktoid handed to them untill out of the blue, Captain Miraculous appeared out of nowhere and shouted to Milktoid “We have given you the best cheesy chips earth can offer you! yet you still aren’t happy! you must surely pay!” and had a fight which lasted half a minute before he got tired and went to bed.
Milktoid was still at large, everyone wondered what they could do as he seemed quite angry that he did not get what he wanted. To be quite frank, people were getting sick of his needy ways and laughed him off. He was no longer seen as the badass he presented himself to be…
Embarrassed, Milktoid went and had an emotional epiphany realising that he just can’t go around demanding cheesy chips wherever he went. He thought to himself “I shall change my ways!”. It wasn’t long though before he decided that he was still some cool, hard alien that impresses cultures around the universe. “HA! the humans may have won this time but they have not seen the last of Milktoid!!”
He then went off in a spectular light display the likes of which hadn’t been seen since E.T. blasted off back to his home planet. With the humans emerging victorious they celebrated well into the night. Henceforth, this day would be called Cheesy Chips Day and every year, people had cheesy chips in celebration.
Milktoid however remained outside Earth’s atmosphere observing the celebrations… “HAHAAHHAA! they have not seen the last of me….”
By Callum ’Howard’ Issit
Well hopefully more things in the future from Howard
